Recently ive developed an extreme fear of checking my old social medias i havent checked any in over 2 months. I don't want to see anything upsetting because I'll spiral downwards to a dark place full of upsetting spiraling thoughts that never end. Right now I'm experiencing this but not to the extent I was a few months ago when I became soulless. I don't like how it is to be hurt emotionally, even though others can handle it well I can't. Everything becomes dull and upsetting/annoying everything and everyone is making fun of me. Humans will always betray you. They'll hurt you permanently and laugh about it.
here's a picture of some pretty daisies I saw
I attended anime central 2024, it was an exceedingly unpleasant experience. It wasn't because the con itself was bad or poorly managed. There were fun events happening and full of interesting panels and a full vendor hall and artist alley too. (There isn't any affordable food options if you're pescatarian like me though and i got very sick of eating cheaper option sweet foods....i think there isnt affordable food for anyone period.) The reason why it was unpleasant was because my head was spinning with thoughts of events that happened to me semi-recently and of events that happened last time I was at this con. I couldn't absorb anything that was happening in front of me because the upsetting thoughts in my head kept repeating forever. (And still are) and recounting what happened last time I was at acen made me on the verge of tears the whole time. I eventually really did start sobbing I couldn't control it. No matter how hard I tried to stop from crying it just happened and wouldn't end for a good while. Thankfully(?) I was sitting in a table mounted to wall so I was facing the wall when it happened. It was embarrassing but at least i wasnt facing the whole giant crowd while crying. I think people noticed though....My sibling was sitting next to me and got scared for me but I couldn't tell them why I was crying the way I was. I was wearing a dark navy seifuku so i probably looked stupid, sad and pathetic. Wearing cute clothes used to bring me a small happiness....Edit. I forgot to mention I drew on the Copic table in the vendor hall that was fun!!ยก ^_^
Hello, My name is Ruby, My hobby is drawing pictures of cartoon/anime people. Currently 28 years old going on 29...and living in Midwest USA. I used to have an online presence on tumblr but i deleted it during a time i wanted to "delete" myself, humm its ok at least i lost weight from the general loss in appetite that come with serious depression haha..i lost 2 dress sizes to be exact!! well its not even noticeable because im still in a healthy midweight bmi urgghskhfgsgsgdg well my appetite hasn't returned so I wonder how far I'll get with this weight loss. ill show you my cute jeans I got from goodwill!
more diary entries to come soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!